Nursery Alphabets
by RoseMikhailov
Summary: Like those little alphabets that used be stuck up on your class room at primary schoool, but wizard style.
1. Default Chapter

My friend was wondering what the wizarding children did before they went to Hogwarts.   I told her that they were obviously home educated and then this popped into my mind, I texted it to her and this is the extended form.  ***Contains unnecessary but amusing references to mildly perverse sexual acts.****

Malfoy Nursery Alphabet

A is for Assassination- attempts always thwarted

B is for Bondage- in dungeons dark

C is for Curses-cruciatus and all

D is for Deatheaters- servants loyal of the dark Lord

E is for Elegance- and eternal Malfoys

F is Firedrakes- guardians of the treasures

G is for Grindelwald-Late Lord of Darkness

H is for House-elves- ready and willing

I is for _imperious-_ a most ingenious curse

J is for Jeeves- the faithful butler

K is for Knockturn Alley- where Blood is appreciated

L  is for lies - and living in Luxury

M is for Malfoy-such a beautiful name

N is for Not Nice-well who wants to be that?

O is for Orgies -perversion abounds

P is for Pureblood- perfection toujours

Q is for Quartz- purity in a stone

R is for Riddles- Our Sphinxes know many 

S is for Slytherin- a man of truth

T is for terror tactics- a malfoy tradition

U is for Unique-as the Malfoy blood is

V is or Voldemort- our lord and master

W is for Wizard and Witch our noble race

X is for Xenophobia- No mudbloods here

Y is for Young and Beautiful- like all Malfoys

Z is for zips- well they could be useful…


	2. Weasley Family Alphabet

Of course the Weasleys have their own Nursery Alphabet too, but it looks like s/one has been adding to it…

Weasley Nursery Alphabet

A is for Attic, and the Ghoul within.

B is for The Burrow, home sweet home.

C is for Chudley Cannons, we will win the cup! (dream on Dad)

D is for Dumbledore, wise and true.

E is for ELECTRICKERY, a muggle technology.

F is for Floo powder, cheap and efficient. (and Fred)

G is for  Gryffindor  as all Weasleys are.(and George)

H is for House-Elf, but we don't have one. 

I is for Imps, naughty wee things.

J is for Jokes, and jolly japes.

K is for Kneazles, clever little beasts.

L is for Leprechauns, with pots of gold.

M is for Muggles, fascinating creatures.

N is for Nifflers, I wish we could have one.

O is for Owls-bringing the post. 

P is for Percia- dear old mum. (Gran to us)

Q is for Quidditch, the beautiful game.

R is for Ronald, our favourite great uncle. (blatant favouritism!)

S is for Stitches, I wonder if they work. (he tried, they don't)

T is for Tatzlwurm, an alpine fiend.

U is for Unicorn, precious and pale.

V is for Virginia, darling ma-in-law. (or the Old Bag as dad usually calls her)

W is for Weasley (and Wizarding Wheezes)

X is for Xylophone, plunketty plunk (We think Dad was starting to flag here)

Y is for Yin and Yang, the eternal balance. (Yup, he was really flagging)

Z is for Zodiac, which sign are you? (Could we be anything but Gemini?)


	3. Snape's Alphabet

Prof. Snape has magi-mailed me to say that no-one gave him one of these and he had to teach himself to read from t' list of ingredients on t' back of potion bottles. God, you can tell he's a Yorkshire man can't you?  Anyway he wrote this to add to the collection.

Severus Snape's Alphabet

A is for Albus Dumbledore, (or Absinthe depending on my mood)

B is for Buttons, no I do not have a button fetish I merely find them more functional than zips. 

C is for Crosswords, I often exchange these with people. Can you tell I'm a Cruciverbalist?

D is for Defence against the Dark Arts, apparently this is my dream job but Dumbledore feels it would bring out the worst in me. Dash that, *teaching_*_ brings out the worst in me. 

E is for Espionage, but I'm not telling you about that.

F is for Firecrackers, but keep them out of the cauldrons please. Females are a more interesting thing beginning with F but ones of interest seem to be lacking in my life.

G is for Greasy-haired Git, yes I know my hair is greasy, but look at Lockhart; he washed his hair everyday and had the intellectual capacity of a thimble. What do you mean my hair represents the fact that I've not resolved my adolescent anger and that for all my apparent maturity I'm just a teenager who has never got chance to develop emotionally? 

H is for hands, I'm told they're very nice, but I warn you they are not soft, potions play havoc with the skin, not that I really care.

I is for Insomnia, I do not suffer from this, I just happen to have a body clock that prefers me to be up at 5 o clock in the morning. 

J is for Jokes, I don't like these very much unless they are on other people and I can think of something sarcastic to say.

K is for Knockturn Alley, It's very useful for Potion Ingredients, I don't go there very often, why should I ?

L is for Lily Evans, no I did not fancy her and yes I did mean it when I called her a mudblood. I will NOT apologise.

M is for Marauders, evil bastards the lot of them. The hound should have been shot.  I hope Lupin gets Rabies and bites Pettigrew and then he bites the dark lord in one of his stupid humiliation rituals and they all DIE. 

N is for Nose- yes I have big nose. Do you know how bored I am of the line 'you know what they say about men with big noses?' I'd rather be judged on others things than some pseudo-scientific theory ralitng the size of my nose to the size of my Manhood. Not that I have a problem with the size of my Manhood.

O is for Occlumency, wouldn't this be such a useful skill? One could lie to the Dark Lord and he'd never know, how ingenious.

P is for Potions, no foolish wand waving etc. Potions are really difficult especially if you are a dunderhead, and not as someone suggested the Magic equivalent of Home Economics. It's like Chemistry, it has atoms and polymer chains. Just because you never got past OWL Potions and never got to do Potions theory doesn't mean it's not complicated and intellectually rigorous.

Q is for the Quibbler, good crosswords in that rag.

R is for Rickman, some 'velvet voiced' muggle all these women keep going on about. No idea what I've got to do with it all.

S is for Slytherin, as in Severus Snape head of. Isn't sibulence  fantastic? I'm so glad I don't have a lisp.

T is for Tea, my favourite (non brain numbing) beverage.

U is for Uri Gellar who is quite blatantly a wizard whatever Fortean Times may believe.

V is for You Know Who, the worst thing about a silly name like this is that it shows up people's sorry grasp of the English language. The number of times I have heard him referred to as You Know Who when the correction construction, within the context of the sentence, should have been You-Know-Whom, it drives me to distraction.  

W is for wand, blackthorn with a manticore spine centre if you were wondering (which you probably weren't) very good for curses and hexes and jinxes.

X is for heXes and jinXes. Merlin, that was tenuous.

Y is for Yowie, a Fabulous Beast from Australia.

Z is for Zzzz I can't believe i'm even doing this.


End file.
